Why Estate Planning Matters Even More for LGBTQ+ Families
When it comes to death planning the rules that decide who inherits if you die without a will (known as intestacy laws) can make end of life wishes difficult to manage. For anyone with a non-traditional family the laws in the US are largely still organized around a patriarchal culture that expects marriage and children between only men and women.
If your life doesn’t fit the “traditional” family mold (step parents, grandparents, other caregivers) things can be a lot harder, this is especially true for r many LGBTQ+ folks and their families.
The State Doesn’t Care About Chosen Family
If you die without a will, your estate is divided according to state intestacy laws. That usually means your spouse (if legally married), children (if legally recognized), parents, or siblings inherit everything.
But what about your partner you never legally married? Your chosen family who’s supported you more than your biological relatives ever did? Your favorite nonprofit or queer youth center? Without a will, they get nothing. The state doesn’t care who actually mattered to you in life.
Marriage Equality Helps — But Only If You’re Married
Since Obergefell v. Hodges (2015), same-sex marriage is legal nationwide, and that means a legal spouse is recognized the same way as any other. Great news if you’re married.
But if you’ve been with your partner for 10 years, built a life together, and never tied the legal knot? Intestacy laws won’t recognize them. Your estranged sibling could inherit more than the person who shared your home and your life.
Parenthood Gets Complicated
Parenthood in non-traditional and LGBTQ+ families often involves adoption, surrogacy, or donor arrangements. If a child isn’t legally recognized as your child, for example, if the second parent never legally adopted a dependent, they may be excluded under intestacy rules. A will or trust is the only way to guarantee your kids are protected the way you intend.
Chosen Family
For anyone with a non-traditional family, particularly LGBTQ+ folks, many of us rely more on chosen family than biological relatives. Without legal planning, your chosen family may be completely erased from the picture when it comes to inheritance, decision-making, or guardianship. The state simply doesn’t factor in your lived reality.
The Fix: Get It in Writing
The good news? You can protect your people and your wishes with a few steps. The following is critical, please read.
Write a LEGAL will - the single best way to make sure the right people inherit. And, a will is the only place you can legally name guardians for your children. Without it, courts could award custody to biological relatives who don’t reflect your wishes.
Use beneficiary designations - update your retirement accounts, bank accounts, and life insurance to name your chosen beneficiaries.
Create guardianship/adoption paperwork - especially if kids are involved.
Consider a trust - Trusts also help avoid probate, which can be messy and public.
Draft a healthcare power of attorney and a durable financial power of attorney to put your partner in charge. Without these documents, your partner may be blocked from making medical or financial decisions if you’re incapacitated. Hospitals or banks could defer to estranged family members instead to make decisions on your behalf.
Tip: Do an annual “beneficiary audit” to ensure nothing is outdated.
Key Takeaway
For LGBTQ+ individuals and families, intestacy laws aren’t just inconvenient — they can be devastating. Without a will, the wrong people inherit, and the people who actually matter most could be left out in the cold. Writing a will isn’t just planning — it’s protecting your partner, your kids, and your chosen family.